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Five Way Abuses.
By: A Brewster Smythe
Dating over fifty can be a carnival. First, there is meeting someone. That, in itself, can be a Ferris wheel ride. You go round and round, trying Match.com, then eHarmony, and sad to say, even SeniorFinder.com. Finally, you find someone that has a little bit in common with you and they donít seem to be too crazy. For some reason, a little crazy has started to seem interesting. What is safe? Do you really want something long term? Or is this just entertainment? After all, when it comes down to it, your life has become pretty full; maybe you donít want a love interest. Maybe you just want a date now and again.
I believe in order to find the right relationship, you have to actually know what kind of relationship you want, if, indeed you want a relationship. Some of us donít really. We just donít want to be lonely. Knowing the difference is the key. But, high on the priority list is being sure of what kind of person you let into your life. Where you meet them can actually be unimportant. Crazies can be found anywhere. The Internet gets a bad rap, but, you know, you can find crazies in church, at your grandsonís school, even at a relativeís party. Maybe the crazy wasnít a crazy until he/she met you! The two of you together can make a crazy! Sounds crazy, doesnít it?
Suffice to say, that the person who needs to figure out who is crazy and who will end up on Unsolved Mysteries is you! No one can tell you if the person you begin to go out with is going to steal all your money, play mind games with you, or convince you that your family is a bunch of car thieves! However, I have devised five ways to access the possibility of a crazy entering your life.
1) Forget the circumstances of how you met and look at this pattern: Too much immediate attention. This means if you met online--100 emails a day. If you met through a friend or relative---10-15 phone calls a day. Too much attention. Too many flowers. Too much. Too soon. Too often.
2) The new person in your life wants immediate intimacy, and if he doesnít accomplish this, continues to push for it. He begins a campaign for closeness that you feel uncomfortable with. If your buttons are being pushed and he/she has figured out what they are already - you are in the presence of a crazy!
3) The person wants all of your attention and does not want to share you, with your friends, your family, your cat or dog! I had an aunt who was trying to get away from a crazy and used the excuse that her cat needed her to take her occasionally outside for a walk. Within a week the cat was found, dead. Strange? Or crazy?
4) Your friends, family, cat or dog, find this person weird or wanting. They donít like the way he fawns on you, and doesnít want them to take too much of your time. And they say it, more than once. Some kids in a family will go so far as to do background checks on people like this. I really donít think this is really such a bad idea. A lot is at stake when a person is a baby boomer. And besides, who wants to make mistakes at this age? Sometimes, loneliness leads us to mistakes we would not make if our lives were full with activity and good friends.
5) Finally, the new love of your life, begins to use put downs, and verbal abuse. This can start out in a kidding way - at least that is how they will state it. ĎI was only kidding!Ē If, ďkiddingĒ hurts, itís not kidding any more. Abuse of any kind is never acceptable! People who are in abusive relationships often say that the other person ďdidnít mean it!Ē Donít let them off that easy. They did mean it. Run; donít walk, away as fast as you can!
These are five ways you can access new people in your life. However, these are glaring examples, and should stand out to someone who is just entering a new relationship - or just beginning to enter the dating world again.
Remember, you are the one who controls your world now. Here is the best advice for a new relationship, and basically, a new life. GO SLOW! Donít let anyone hurry you. Believe it or not, you have all the time in the world. And if you think you donít - well, soon - you wonít!
A Brewster Smythe, Editor of The Geopolar Mother Experience
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