Possibilities Abound as Barbie Turns 40

 Author Unknown.
Yes, it's hard to believe, but in 1999 Barbie will turn 40, 
just in time to greet the new century.  And they've been 40 
full, rich years.  She began as a glamorous airline stewardess 
when she was introduced at Toy Fair in 1959. 
She soared into space as an astronaut in 1974, ran for 
president in 1992, and, in 1997, she bore disability bravely, 
folding her first-ever bending legs into a wheelchair to 
become a role model once again for a newly identified market.
In every incarnation, nationality, and skin tone, she's 
perfectly turned out, with accessories galore at her long 
slender fingertips.  She's Every woman, she's the Cosmo Girl, 
she has it all.  So, what will Mattel think of next as the 
company meets the challenge of Barbie turning 40?
Why fight age?  Why not capitalize on it in every way possible?  
Here are some ideas Mattel might consider for a past 40 Barbie:
   Bifocals Barbie:
   Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six 
   wild colors    (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print 
   editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
   Hot Flash Barbie:
   Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red 
   while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead!  
   With hand-held fan and tiny tissues (prescription for 
   hormones optional).
   Facial Hair Barbie:
   As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! 
   Available with wax strips, teensy tweezers and 5x's
   magnifying mirror.
   Cook's Arms Barbie:
   Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved 
   gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too  muumuus are back! 
   Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.
   Bunion Barbie:
   Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their 
   toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet.  Soothe her sores with this pumice 
   stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.  Colors pink, rose, 
   No More Wrinkles Barbie:
   Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin 
   Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting 
   Soccer Mom Barbie:
   All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie 
   dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. 
   With  minivan in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with 
   doughnut holes and fruit punch.
   Midlife Crisis Barbie:
    It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal
   trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're 
   hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a 
   B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
   Single Mother Barbie:
   There's not much time for primping anymore!  Ken's left Barbie for her 
   little sister Stacy and is living in the Dream House.  Barbie's across 
   town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling 
   off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money.  Complete garage 
   sale kit included.
   Recovery Barbie:
   Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. 
   Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps!  Clean and sober, she's 
   going to meetings religiously.  Comes with little copy of The Big Book 
   and six-pack of Diet Coke.
   Do it yourself, at home, exercise program for the woman over 40 Barbie:
 Complete with Suzanne Somers mini "Thigh Master," Jane Fonda's mini portable 
"Life Treadmill," TV's mini "Bun Buster and Step Master (all of which can 
conveniently be stored under your bed).  Richard Simmon's "Sweatin to the 
Oldies," and Susan  Powter's "STOP THE INSANITY" programs extra.
Who knows when Barbie will have outlived her usefulness?  From Dream House 
to Nursing Home (both new and improved -- wheelchair-accessible and 
retrofitted to conform to ADA code requirements), the possibilities (not to 
mention the accessories) are endless.

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