JULY 21, 2000
Mindfulness and Love In Your Role As A Caregiver
By: Gail R Mitchell

Mother Teresa said, "It is not how much 
we do, but how much love we put into 
doing it. It is not how much we give, but 
how much love we put into the giving."

Your intentions in caring for your loved 
one are very important. If you have been 
thrown into this role, there most likely 
wasn't enough time to really think about 
clarifying your intentions. 

Some of the immediate issues most caregivers 
concern themselves with are:

·Where do I begin?

·How can I give my loved one the quality 
care he/she needs?

·Where do I find out more information 
about their condition?

·Does my loved one need another consultation?

·How do I juggle my work with caring for them?

These are just a few of the questions that pop 
up immediately when you become a caregiver 
in an instant as the result of their diagnosis. 
While these issues are priorities, there are 
others at hand, which sometimes get overlooked 
by many in their roles. They are mindfulness, 
giving and love. These three areas are imperative 
in creating a dance of harmony, cooperation, 
fluidness and balance between yourself, as the 
caregiver and the one you are caring for.

The "Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by 
Sogyal Rinpoche speaks of mindfulness in the 
following way:

"The practice of mindfulness, of bringing the 
scattered mind home, and so of bringing the 
different aspects of our being into focus, or 
stilling yourselves in the nature of your mind, 
accomplishes three things…

1.	All the fragmented aspects of 
ourselves, which have been at war, 
settle and dissolve and become friends. 
In that settling we begin to understand 
ourselves more, and sometimes even 
have glimpses of the radiance of our 
fundamental nature.

2.	The practice of mindfulness defuses 
our negativity, aggression, and turbulent 
emotions, which may have been gathering 
power over many lifetimes. Rather than 
suppressing emotions or indulging in them, 
here it is important to view them, your 
thought and whatever arises with an 
acceptance and generosity that are as 
open and spacious as possible. In this 
space there is a feeling so warm and cozy 
that you feel enveloped and protected by it, 
as if by a blanket of sunlight. As you remain 
open and more mindful, your negativity will 
slowly be defused; you will begin to feel 
well in your being.

3.	The practice unveils and reveals your 
essential Good Heart, because it dissolves 
and removes the unkindness or the harm in 
you. Only when we have removed the harm 
in ourselves, do we become truly useful to 
others.... we allow our true Good Heart, the 
fundamental goodness and kindness that 
are our real nature, to shine out and 
become the warm climate in which our true 
being flowers."

By now, you may be saying to yourself,” What 
is she talking about?”

If you can reflect back to a time when you 
felt loved and you loved, remember how it 
felt to you. Now remember a time when you 
were angry or hurt. What did that feel like? 
Can you recall at time in your childhood when 
you wanted to tell your parent about 
something exciting only to be told, “I am 
busy, you will have to wait until I am finished.”?  
Do you remember a time when a relative 
might have pinched your cheek out of love 
and you thought to yourself, ”Ouch! That 
hurt!”? A gentle stroking touch would have 
felt more loving to you. Now, can you 
remember a time when you fell asleep and 
woke up feeling uncomfortable because 
your bed linens were crumpled beneath 
you?

In caring for another person, mindfulness, 
intent, and love, all play an important part 
in meeting the needs of both of you. If you 
are not in a loving space; if you are coming 
from fear, resentment, guilt, obligation, 
feeling overly responsible, or some negative 
space when you are caring for your loved one, 
your role will become burdensome and you 
will burn out.

When you come from mindfulness, with a 
clear intent and love, your role will become 
easier and more effortless. Your loved one 
will feel the differences as well. Slow down 
before you take action. Be fully present in 
all that you do. So you are thinking, “this 
is full time work in itself. I don’t have the 
time or the patience to do any of this!” 
So be it. 

However, if you see how much time you 
waste, how much confusion is caused by 
your actions, your attitude and vibrations 
if you aren’t focused and coming from a 
loving space, you will realize that by aligning 
your self and becoming aware, you will 
create much more peace, joy and happiness 
for yourself and your loved one.

If your loved one has suffered a stroke 
and cannot speak, if they have a form of 
dementia and do not understand, or if 
they are in the final stages of their life 
and cannot describe the sensations they 
are feeling as their body is closing down, 
then you will not be able to tune into what 
they may really be needing in the moment. 
Just as you were able to recall about the 
time you were pinched instead of stroked, 
or that crumpled bed linen that awakened 
you, it is your responsibility to tune in to 
what your loved one truly needs.

Love is the most powerful healer for both 
of you. Open your hearts so that your 
loved one may open theirs. Shift your 
role from being a burden to being a 
remarkable gift. You have a choice in how 
transforming and rewarding your 
caregiving experience can be. Make the 
right choice for yourself and the one 
you are caring for.

Richest blessings to you.

Gail


We look forward to the opportunity 
of serving you. We welcome your 
comments, suggestions, and questions. 
Please feel free to contact us at: 
mailto:boomersint@aol.com or 
mailto:grm4love@care-givers.com







Boomers' Caregiver's Main Page



Boomers' Caregiver's Articles
 
Gail's Web Site :
Empowering Caregivers 

Welcome to Boomers International.