JULY 7, 2000
Maintaining Independence For The Care-recipient And Yourself
By: Gail R Mitchell

One of the most important issues you will face as a 
caregiver is helping the one you care for to remain as 
independent as possible while remaining independent 
yourself.

If the individual you care for is in danger of losing their 
autonomy as a result of their dependency on you in order 
to have certain needs met, there will definitely be a sense 
of loss. It may result in a loss of self-esteem or confidence; 
perhaps even a loss of purpose or reason for living. We are 
conditioned to believe that we should be able to take care 
of ourselves forever. What happens when we are forced to 
become dependent on someone else in order to have our 
needs met?
As a caregiver, you may also lose a sense of your self, while 
living your life caring for your loved one. Caregivers who 
experience feelings of "isolation" is one of the most alarming 
statistics faced by those caring 24/7 for a loved one. 
Depression as well as low self-esteem takes over when one 
feels alone in this role.

In most cases, it is up to the caregiver to create the give 
and take in the relationship with the care-recipient. It 
involves creating a delicate balance between control and 
dependency. Your focus should be on maintaining as much 
freedom and dependency for all concerned parties.

Maintaining independence for the care-recipient:

·Strive to create an environment with respect and dignity.
·Encourage the one you care for on the importance of 
 maintaining their independency.
·Encourage them to engage in hobbies and activities, 
 which they enjoy.
·Encourage ways to keep their minds functioning and alert.
·Find adaptive measures to help your loved one remain 
 independent. Some examples are home modification, 
 replacing buttons and zippers with Velcro where possible, 
 adapting living areas to prevent falls, etc.
·Arrange for activities outside the home at senior centers, 
 childcare centers, or even respite centers. 
·Arrange for relatives, friends and volunteers to visit and 
 spend time, as well as taking your loved one shopping, 
 day trips, etc. Socializing outside the relationship with 
 the caregiver is very important.
·Take time for yourself each day to do something for 
 yourself that you enjoy doing is essential for the 
 caregiver in providing optimum care to the care-recipient.

Maintaining independence for the caregiver:

·Partake in daily exercise in your home, take a walk, 
 or engage in a sport that you love.
·Take time to nurture yourself daily: i.e., hot baths, 
 meditate, write in a journal, and read books you enjoy.
·Socialize with friends. Go out shopping, go for coffee, 
 go  to a movie, or any other interest that will keep you 
 in touch with the outside world.
·Develop a hobby or take on part time work.
·Participate in activities that take your mind completely 
 off caring for your loved one for a set period of time 
 each day.
·Seek out support groups both on and offline that help 
 you to maintain your independence.  Work through 
 issues that may keep you isolated and trapped in your 
 role as a caregiver.

In terms of control on behalf of both the care-recipient and 
caregiver it is important to learn how to say “no” and set 
boundaries. The person you are caring for may be caught 
up in their situation and making many demands which will 
conflict with other important things you must do during 
the day. By explaining to them the importance of 
communication, you will both maintain more autonomy.

If your loved one refuses to let outside help come in, you 
will have to assert yourself more, while respecting your 
loved one's needs - yours still must be met first. If you 
breakdown and are no longer capable of caring for them, 
who will be? There is a fine line in which to set these 
boundaries. You must find the one that will work best 
for the highest good of all concerned. In the case of 
a parent vs. and adult child, the attempts to control 
one another can be devastating - so proceed with 
care. Either individual may use manipulation in an 
attempt to cause guilt in the other. Neither should 
provoke the other to the extent that the results 
produced are not harmonious or beneficial to either 
one. If the situation becomes emotionally or physically 
abusive, then you must rely on the services of a 
professional to assist you in resolving the issues at 
hand.

As the primary caregiver for your loved one, it is up 
to you to initiate this important balance.


We look forward to the opportunity 
of serving you. We welcome your 
comments, suggestions, and questions. 
Please feel free to contact us at: 
mailto:boomersint@aol.com or 
mailto:grm4love@care-givers.com







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