 
JUNE 23, 2000
Communications With Your Loved One-Part Two
By: Gail R Mitchell
Communications, Part Two focuses on resolving
conflicts, turning them into cooperation and
finding the peace that all parties should
experience in these challenging times.
Since most caregivers either inherit the role or
are thrown into it by a simple diagnosis, it is
important to maintain your own self worth
during the process. For most, learning to
communicate with others will be an ongoing
exercise in staying focused, learning to listen,
and to say what is on your mind. This requires
you to look at all things realistically. Denial
and fantasy have no place in the realm of
these choices.
Caregiving is a partnership whether it is for a
parent, child or spouse. There must be
self-respect for all concerned. Boundaries
must be set as to what you can do, what
you are capable of, and what the person y
ou are caring for is capable of doing. As a
caregiver, you must learn to say "no" at times,
and take time to do the necessary things for
yourself to remain mentally, physically and
emotionally balanced so that you can care
for your loved one. Remember, if you are
not well, you will not be able to care for your
loved one.
You have a right to be angry, confused, hurt,
and depressed, as do the loved one you are
caring for. How you handle it and move
through it is important. By sharing with others
and speaking your truth, you slowly grow and
heal.
Remember at all times that you have choices
on how you want to feel inside. If you are
feeling stuck or in a victim state of mind, your
experiences will reflect this. Work through
these feelings as soon as possible so that
you can choose experiences, which are more
joyful, pleasant and at times, even bittersweet.
Caregivers and carerecipient in general, need
other avenues to keep them occupied, such
as having friends, hobbies, and interests
which support you living a quality of life at
all times.
Caregivers tend to feel guilty and diminish
themselves. You need to cultivate ways of
praising yourself and honoring all that you
are doing in your role. There is no room for
"shoulds, coulds, and have to's" that you
or others might put on yourself. The same
goes for the carerecipient. Have compassion
and empathy for the mixed feelings and
emotions your loved one might be experiencing
even if they are having difficulty in expressing
them.
Do not permit yourself to communicate when
you are feeling sorry for yourself, stuck, or
needy. If you need to share with someone
about your current state of mind, do so.
Read inspirational materials or talk with
someone who can support you in lifting you
out of this space.
Remember, even if your loved one does not
have all their faculties, there is still a soul,
which resides inside their body. Their soul
knows and understands all the things that
are transpiring in the moment. Honor this
soul and be present with them. If the
individual you care for has had a brain injury
or is suffering from Alzheimer's, they may be
in their own world. Do not try to bring them
back into yours. It is their illness that is
doing it, not their soul. If anything, permit
yourself to drop your need to control things
and have them act a certain way. Perhaps
make a game of it and move into their
world and play along with them.
The most important tool you have is your
heart. When you come from your heart or a
loving space, others will respond in kind. Your
heart energy can be used as a barometer. It
is a good indicator as to when you are feeling
good and when you are not. Almost all issues
you will face can be resolved if you are willing
to come from your truth, look at them honestly
and evaluate the partnership.
Richest blessings on your journey.
Gail
We look forward to the opportunity of serving you. We
welcome your comments, suggestions, and questions. Please
feel free to contact us at: mailto:boomersint@aol.com or
mailto:grm4love@care-givers.com
Boomers' Caregiver's Main Page
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