JUNE 30, 2000
The "Sandwiched Generation” Caregiver
By: Gail R Mitchell

Caregiving is a challenging role 
for anyone. However, when it is 
coupled with caring for the needs 
of your aging parents, along with 
the needs of your spouse and 
children, the effects of caregiving 
can really pose a dilemma that you 
will deeply feel.

Balancing Your Time - is the key 
factor since caring for your parent 
may take away from the time you 
spend with your immediate family. 
If you have taken or are taking on 
the responsibility of caring for your 
parent(s), it is up to you to learn 
about the issues, which can arise 
and take the necessary steps to 
balance your time as well as the 
dynamics that will exist between 
everyone.

Communication - You will find that 
your family may experience a range 
of emotions from jealousy (because 
your parent(s) is (are) taking up so 
much of your time; anger and 
resentment because they aren't first 
in your life anymore; fear as to how 
long this is going to continue and 
concern with your being ok as well 
as your parents. They may want to 
help out if you will permit them to 
and they also may not want to have 
anything to do with your role in caring 
for your parents. 

Your family may experience a variety 
of feelings. They may be consciously 
aware of their feelings and they may 
be oblivious.  It is essential for you all 
to learn good communication skills so 
that everyone will be able to express 
him or herself. Likewise, you must be 
able to communicate your own mixed 
feelings to each of them on a level that 
they understand. If you are unable to 
do this on your own, you might want 
to seek professional counseling to assist 
you because your emotions of fear, 
anger, guilt, confusion and so forth 
will ripple out to the members of 
your family. To further avoid these 
consequences, you may want to set 
up special, quality times for these 
meetings either as a family, one on 
one, or both. These meetings should 
be arranged on a regular basis.

It is also important for you to 
involve your family as much as 
you can. Sharing important 
decision-making choices are a 
necessity with your spouse. Having 
your children spend quality time 
with their grandparents is also 
important. Younger children can 
make arts and crafts type of gifts. 
Older children can read to them, 
play games and reflect with their 
grandparents on their own 
upbringing. If you try to play the 
martyr, a barrier will be created 
amongst your own family, so it 
is wise to do all that is in your 
power to keep the communications 
open. By openly telling them that 
they are all in this together and 
creating opportunities to participate, 
you will find your family more 
receptive and loving towards the 
entire situation.

You and your family members 
may also begin grieving at the 
instance of a diagnosis for your 
parent. There is no right or wrong 
way to grieve. However, this too 
needs to be acknowledged. 
Grieving is a process and it is highly 
individualized so each member 
must be nurtured and guided to 
working through their grief.

Another issue, which many 
caregivers are faced with, is their 
work. Whether you are working 
part time or full time, if you have 
a professional career that requires 
your complete dedication, service, 
and attention, you are will be 
straddled with making life long 
decisions, commitments and 
possibly even compromises.
All these issues compounded with 
the full time responsibility of 
caregiving a parent is enough to 
stress anyone out. Careful 
thought and consideration will 
be needed to adapt to the 
situation. This lies fully in your 
hands as the caregiver.

Listen to your heart. Your 
commitment must first be 
to yourself, then to your 
family and lastly to your 
parents. It is difficult to make 
this type of decision, but the 
truth is if you are not stable 
and focused, you will not be 
able to care for your family 
or parent (s). You must 
discipline yourself as a caregiver 
to get your needs met. This 
means eating properly, 
exercising, sleeping, socializing, 
relaxation and doing things to 
nurture yourself. Learning to 
say “no” and setting boundaries 
are part of being a good 
caregiver. Working through 
your guilt, resentment, feeling 
obligated to care for them, 
and a variety of other emotions 
must be cleared so that you 
are in an open and receptive 
place of balance to juggle your 
time accordingly.

With this in mind, the role of 
caregiving can prove to be 
transformational, healing, 
one of growth and a loving 
experience. You may never 
have the opportunity to 
experience this magnificent 
but bittersweet challenge.


We look forward to the opportunity 
of serving you. We welcome your 
comments, suggestions, and questions. 
Please feel free to contact us at: 
mailto:boomersint@aol.com or 
mailto:grm4love@care-givers.com







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