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A Congruency Model Aligning the Whole You - PART I

We have a strong desire for certain realities in our lives but at some levels we are blocked. An enormous amount of mental and emotional energy goes into having one foot on the gas pedal and one foot on the brake. So give yourself a break and use the following model to align yourself with your intentions.

The Congruency Model

Your Physical Self -
What you observe with your five physical senses
Your Mental Self -
What you believe is true and what you say to yourself
Your Emotional Self -
How you feel about things
Your Spiritual Self -
Your sense of connectedness within and beyond you

Not all folks identify themselves with much other than the physical self. As a society, we spend enormous sums beautifying our physical appearance. We highly honor physical prowess, respect athletes and their commitment to physical training. But when we consider mental training, the notion smacks of therapy. To consider mental exercise, well, something must be "wrong" with us.

Society also holds it's view of women as being too emotional. Dare a man express emotions and he's viewed as a wimp, unable to stand strong to the demands of life. And as for the spiritual, we tend to lump all that stuff under the umbrella of airy-fairy new age bunk; an easy escape for the weakling to hide behind. Cloaked in a holier-than-thou disguise, these spiritual types are simply just too frightened to look at life straight in the face.

Happily, there are many shifts taking place within our society. Mind-body medicine is more widely received by the medical community as science analytically confirms it's validity. Sport's Psychologists train athletes in the pre-game discipline of mental rehearsal, delivering measurable increases in
performance. The "female" management model is showing itself within corporate America, bringing a sensitivity to the workplace. Although these prosperous times have afforded many with material luxuries, a continuing sense of emptiness prevails.

Many seek a spiritual connectedness with something higher. Whether it be expressed as a higher-Self or higher power, there is a deep felt yearning to be in touch with something more.

There are two phases to the Congruency Model:

Phase I - The Awareness and Acceptance Phase - We will flow into deeper levels of ourselves to become aware of where we are now and where we're incongruent, that is, to discover the blockages that keep us from fulfilling our intentions.

Phase II - The Re-Creation Phase - We will then flow inversely outward creating congruency, that is, a smooth, unencumbered flow to realize our intentions.


Your Physical Self - The surface level, where desires and challenges first show up. This is the awareness that something is missing or something undesirable is present.

Some examples: I don't have enough money, I lack a soul-mate in my life, I am overweight.

Moving a level deeper within yourself you get in touch with...

Your Mental Self - Your beliefs and accompanying self-talk. You may believe you want more money, but you may have fear as to your competence in handling it, the responsibility involved with having more or your worthiness to have more. You may really want a "soul-mate"but you may carry the belief that "all the good ones are taken" or that "men/women cannot be trusted" or having a man/woman is asking for a painful experience.

You may want to lose weight but the belief may be, "what's the use, it's a lot of work. If I achieve my goal, I'll have to work at maintaining it.." You may very well be conscious of some of your limiting beliefs and others may elude you. Your "physical" awareness of lack, coupled with these "mental" limiting beliefs creates a dissonance, feeding a stream of unending negative self-talk. The things you say to yourself, and others, offers clues to identify more hidden, limiting beliefs.

If you are willing to consider looking within this level, give yourself credit. Most people are not only unwilling to, but the notion does not even come to mind. For many, life is lived on the surface level alone. Hats off to your introspective willingness!

Moving a level deeper within yourself you get in touch with...

Your Emotional Self - Here's where the beating yourself up, making yourself wrong game goes on and feeling bad about yourself for allowing these conditions to exist in your life. Critical self-judgment often spreads to judgment and petty jealousies of others and could create more limiting, false beliefs. "People who have money are greedy and manipulative." "What does he see in her, she's probably a tramp. She's so skinny, just looking at her makes me want to puke."

Feelings spin on and on and not only upset us, but further tighten the grip of lack and limitation, thereby manufacturing new limiting beliefs. Unconsciously, we'd rather create false beliefs than see ourselves as incompetent. Fortunately, as we become more self-aware and lovingly accept ourselves, we discover how truly competent we can be.

When we understand that the money, relationship and unhealthy eating problems are manifestations of unsatisfied emotional needs, we shift our attention away from the surface symptoms and get on with getting our needs satisfied. In order to do this, we must first allow ourselves to feel.

If you are willing to even consider getting in touch with your feelings, give yourself more credit. Most are far too frightened to look here. This is far deeper than the surface level of which we are accustomed. Moving yet another level deeper within yourself you get in touch with...

Your Spiritual Self - This is where you can begin to interrupt the self-defeating behavior, transform your feelings, reframe your beliefs and create new physical realities.

A wise woman once said "Every bad has a good," and it is from this perspective where we will continue next month. From the identification of the problem, the limiting beliefs, the negative self-talk and the "bad" feelings, we will learn to drop the weight of judgment and reappraise our situations from a position of wholeness. By the way, that wise woman is my very own mother.

YOUR FIELDWORK: Between now and next month, do a little self-coaching and respond to the following questions. Remember, the more candid, open and honest you are with the Awareness and Acceptance Phase, the more valuable you will find the Re-Creation Phase.

Select a problem you intend to solve or outcome you intend
to achieve

On the Mental Level - Beliefs and Accompanying Self-talk

Write down your PRESENT BELIEFS about the situation and permit yourself to be "negative." Refer to the "Your Mental Self" portion of this essay to get an idea of what we're looking for here.

Where might these beliefs come from? Most often they are from childhood or societal influences or disturbing life experiences. Write down your best guesses.

Be an alert witness to what you say to yourself in your mind and what you say to others about the situation in question. Jot down your observations when they come to you. Remember, you have the whole month to gather insights asyou prepare for Phase II.

On the Feelings Level - How You Feel About the Situation

How do you FEEL about the situation? Write down what first comes to mind.

Do you blame yourself and/or others for the present situation? If so, describe how.

Write down your feelings in single word adjectives, e.g., sad, hurt, lonely, frustrated, etc.

On the Spiritual Level - The Deep Soul Level

Which word(s) best describe your connection with spirituality: Religion / God / Creator / Higher-self / Higher Intelligence / Universe / Energy / Love / Other

Do you believe the world is essentially a safe, friendly and abundant place or a dangerous, unwelcoming and limited place?

"Intentions" is a monthly newsletter promoting the use of the whole brain and mind, to live life mindfully and purposefully through the awesome power of awareness and intention, for the benefit of all. Authored by: John Felitto, Mind Development Trainer & Coach, 65 Mendolia Ct., Pearl River, NY 10965 (914) 735-4284 Email your comments to:

Copyrighted by John Felitto
Author & Publisher of the "INTENTIONS" Newsletter

More Of John's Articles

John Felitto - Coach - Web Site
John Felitto, Mind Development
Trainer & Coach,
65 Mendolia Ct., Pearl River, NY 10965
(845) 735-4284
John is available for telephone coaching, speaking engagements and on-site training programs.

To subscribe or unsubscribe send an email to and include "Intentions" in the subject line.
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