Work for Retirees

Boomers International Board: The Economy: Work for Retirees
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of pageLink to this message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, August 14, 2002 - 03:08 am:

A letter to:
Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Mr. Secretary,

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a thousand dollar government check for NOT raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business. What I want to know is what is the best kind of farm to not raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all government policies. I would prefer NOT to raise razorbacks but if this is not a good breed not to raise, then I would just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very pleased about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years and the best he ever made on them was four hundred and fifty dollars back in 1968, until now, when he got your check for not raising any.

If I get one thousand dollars for not raising fifty hogs, will I get two thousand dollars for not raising one hundred hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about four thousand hogs NOT raised, which will mean about eighty thousand dollars the first year. Now, another thing! These hogs I will NOT raise will not eat ten thousand bushels of corn. Will I qualify for payments for NOT raising corn and wheat not to feed the four thousand hogs I am not going to raise? I want to get started as soon as possible, since this seems like a good time of the year NOT to raise hogs or grain.

Also I am considering the "not milking the cows" business, so please send information on that too. In view of these circumstances, I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment benefits and food stamps.

Patriotically Yours,
A Broken-Down Old Geezer
From the UAL Retiree Newsletter


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