Check Out Empower Care-giver Section by Gail Mitchell here at Boomers .. Wealth of knowledge and caring support.. Coming soon.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 30, 2000 - 05:10 pm:
This is great. Thank you for a great web site.
By Trivia Key on Tuesday, August 1, 2000 - 08:12 pm:
Post your name after this note! First post after this one will get $$$
By Anonymous on Saturday, September 16, 2000 - 08:16 pm:
By boomersint on Saturday, September 16, 2000 - 11:23 pm:
Ok.. how can I know who you really are?? GHOST??
Email me.. please.. hahaha
Peace, Love and Light,
By Anonymous on Wednesday, October 4, 2000 - 05:36 pm:
By Jeri on Thursday, October 5, 2000 - 11:05 am:
By Anonymous on Friday, October 6, 2000 - 04:26 pm:
By Boom Me! on Saturday, October 7, 2000 - 03:52 pm:
You mean YOU are..... ??
By Anonymous on Sunday, October 8, 2000 - 08:55 pm:
Prosperity... pay up!!!!!
By Anonymous on Monday, October 9, 2000 - 12:49 am:
You've BEEN Paid LOL...
By Anonymous on Monday, October 9, 2000 - 11:31 am:
pocket change...PAY UP!!!
By Anonymous on Monday, October 9, 2000 - 03:45 pm:
Ouuuuuuuuuuu YOU WANT the BIG PAY?????? LOL...
You have to WAIT !! hahaha ... and I can't tell you until WHEN either ... hehehehehe....
By Anonymous on Monday, October 9, 2000 - 05:27 pm:
services were rendered...PAY UP!!!!!!
By Anonymous on Monday, October 9, 2000 - 05:53 pm:
What services??? LOL Services were cut off months ago lol...
Just like Butterflies. Out of sight, Out of mind!!
By Anonymous on Monday, October 9, 2000 - 06:31 pm:
forget it...put it where you need to put it..
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 05:36 am:
Ok.. You WON $50.00 but I have to deduct $25.00 for the cigarettes this morning LOL
You are so funny!!!
By Anonymous on Saturday, October 14, 2000 - 02:06 pm:
Well the $25.00 is for you! LOL...
By Claire on Saturday, December 30, 2000 - 12:02 pm:
Nice to see there are people who care about
us caregivers!!!! Now what?
By BoomersInt on Sunday, December 31, 2000 - 09:41 am:
Thank you. Please visit our Caregivers areas:
You can get involve, share your experience and contribute to our collection of Caregivers site.
Peace, Love and Light,
By Psychbabe2001 on Sunday, November 4, 2001 - 06:22 am:
To ALL Internet On Line Friends - Beware.
There is a Personality Disorder which effects many individuals. The disorder is called Narcissism Personality Disorder. These men and women use the internet to hunt their prey.
Many of us become their victims, without truly understanding at first why they had to lie to us and many other in their lives.
Thanks to a book and web sites by Dr Sam Vaknin Ph.D, we learned so much about these men and women. We soon also realise that all our helping for them has been futile.
Through learning and understanding, we finally have reach a point of empathy and sympathy for these men and women who betray us. We also learned that we cannot help them, because they do not want our help. Many of us have gone out of our way to help them and are hurt emotionally by
their behaviors and actions.
Most Narcissists live their lives, without knowing that their behaviors and actions. They thrive on using their projection onto others
Their unfaithfullness in a marriage or relationship destroy relationships and others that love them.
They are trapped in a body of grown person but with a mind and a psyche of a small child.
They are hiding in a shell of themselves who are unable to love. They came from having narcissistic parents or narcissistic mothers.
Boomers International will present a new section in our Psychology area that will devote to NPD with help and guidance from Dr. Sam Vaknin.
Please come back and visit and check us out.
Peace, Love and Light,
By Psychbabe2001 on Monday, November 5, 2001 - 02:07 am:
Narcissism IS a dream state. The narcissist is totally detached from his (human) milieu. Devoid of empathy and obsessively centred on the procurement of narcissistic supply (adulation, admiration, etc.) - the narcissist is unable to regard others as three dimensional beings with their own needs and rights. This mental picture of narcissism can easily serve as a good description of the dream state where other people are mere representations, or symbols, in a hermeneutically sealed thought system. Both narcissism and dreaming are AUTISTIC states of mind with severe cognitive and emotional distortions. By extension, one can talk about "narcissistic cultures" as "dream cultures" doomed to a rude awakening. It is interesting to note that most narcissists .. have a very poor dream-life and dreamscape. They remember nothing of their dreams and are rarely, if ever, motivated by insights contained in them.
- Dr. Sam Vaknin -
from 'The Metaphores Of The Mind III'
Peace, Love and Light,
By Melajessi on Tuesday, June 24, 2003 - 05:32 am:
I write to honor my sister and to my father who is in late stage ALZ, Our Journey is similar to others I have encountered, the fear, the
heartwrenching decisions, the family feuds about the choices we face. What makes my sister so special is she chronicled one year in which she was caring for my father and her one year old daughter. The book is called
The House on Beartown Road, A Memoir of Learning and Forgetting by Elizabeth Cohen.
I am very proud of my sister for having the courage to journal
her story. When I sent her my father from NM as I could no longer care for both my mother with COPD and my two little kids and my fathers failing mind, she had just moved to upstate NY in the country with her husband and New Baby. Well, her husband leaves immediately and so her memorable winter story begins. The parallels she draws as her daughter learns and my father forgets are intriguing. She extrapolates humor at every corner and as the NY Times review and others say what could have been a scathing self pity party is actually a lovely story of courage, memories and hope. My father had a Ph.D. in Economics and is a Professor Emeritus from NM, Dr. Sanford Cohen. This message is honor of him.
Thanks for letting me share.
By Anonymous on Thursday, June 26, 2003 - 11:28 pm:
thank you for sharing... and bless your heart!
By Anonymous on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 02:07 pm:
CAREGIVERS OF FAMILY MEMBERS WITH DEMENTIA EXPERIENCE MORE HEALTH PROBLEMS THAN NONCAREGIVERS, ACCORDING TO FIRST TIME REVIEW OF THE RESEARCH
Higher Level of Stress Hormones and Lower Antibody Production Increase Risk for Diabetes, Hypertension and Influenza
WASHINGTON – More than five million caregivers of persons with dementia exist in the United States (AARP, 1988) and no quantitative review has been conducted on the physical health correlates of caring for a family member with dementia until now. In a meta-analysis of 23 studies examining self-reported health and physiological functioning in caregivers of persons with dementia, researchers found that caregivers had higher stress hormones, lower resistance to some viruses and reported poorer health than noncaregivers who were similar in age and sex. This finding is reported on in the November issue of Psychological Bulletin, published by the American Psychological Association (APA).
Psychologist Peter P. Vitaliano, Ph.D., of the University of Washington and colleagues examined 23 studies involving 3,072 participants – ages 55 to 75 years – over a 38 year period to compare the physical health of caregivers demographically matched with noncaregivers on 11 health categories – self-reported health, chronic illnesses, physical symptoms, medication use, health service use, functional cellular immunity, antibodies, enumerative immunity, stress hormones, cardiovascular function and metabolic function. The authors found that caregivers had a 23 percent higher level of stress hormones and a 15 percent lower level of antibody responses than noncaregivers.
Overtime, caregivers’ elevated stress hormones can lead to physiological problems such as elevated blood pressure and glucose levels, said Dr. Vitaliano, which can increase their risk for hypertension and diabetes. Furthermore, poorer antibody production for older caregivers may also increase their risk for influenza even if they receive flu shots, said Vitaliano.
Female caregivers reported more health problems but they did not exhibit higher hormone, cardiovascular or metabolic disease risk than male caregivers, said the authors. “Women report more health problems than men in many situations,” explain the authors. “This may be because women are more aware of their problems and are more likely to report them when they exist. This finding may not be unique to caregiving.” Also, reported health is strongly related to psychological distress, which say the authors, is higher in women than men, and likewise reported more by female caregivers than male caregivers.
Older caregivers also reported more health problems than younger caregivers but did not differ with the younger caregivers in physiological risk. A reason for this, say the authors, is that as age increases, reports of physical illness and disabilities also increase and they are related to general distress and the distress of caring for an ill spouse or family member.
According to the authors, this meta-analysis does not allow one to infer definitively that caregiving is hazardous to one’s health but does have clinical implications for the millions of caregivers. “As the population ages, caregivers will play an even greater role in society and interventions that help caregivers maintain their health will not only benefit the care recipients but society as well,” said Dr. Vitaliano.
Article: “Is Caregiving Hazardous to One’s Physical Health? A Meta-Analysis,” Peter P. Vitaliano, Ph.D., and James M. Scanlan, Ph.D., University of Washington; Jianping Zhang, Ph.D., Indiana University-Purdue University, Indianapolis; Psychological Bulletin, 129, No. 6.
Full text of the article is available from the APA Public Affairs Office or at http://www.apa.org/releases/caregiving_article.pdf
Reporters: Peter P. Vitaliano, PhD can be reached by phone at (206) 543-8397 or by Email
The American Psychological Association (APA), in Washington, DC, is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world’s largest association of psychologists. APA’s membership includes more than 150,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 53 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession and as a means of promoting health, education and human welfare.
# # #
By Anonymous on Tuesday, February 24, 2004 - 05:30 pm:
New place to talk abour life..
By Paul Aleman on Wednesday, May 5, 2004 - 11:51 pm:
Mom is 83 yrs old and mostly sleeps nowadays. When she awakens I talk to
her but she just stares. Every once in a while she will move her head as if
to acknowledge. Her head and torso are twisted to the right side. She is
incontinent, and her medicines, water, and food are administered via her
stomach tube. She suffers from the final stages of Alzheimer's. But mom
wasn't always asleep.
Mom graduated from Brackenridge High School in San Antonio, Texas in the
early 1940's. In her twenties, mom was a "Rosie the Riveter", a testimony
to the solidarity of American women in helping the war effort during WWII.
For many years she worked as a hairdresser and even owned her own beauty
shop. Later mom worked as a Nurses Aide in a hospital. And during her
later years she worked as a Teacher's Assistant working with the children of
migrant workers and bilingual education in Texas. Mom worked all her life
paying taxes and contributing to retirement and medical care. Now she needs help. However, the system designed to help America's elderly is falling apart.
Today, mom is one of millions of elderly Americans receiving home heath care services through the State Department of Human Resources, which certifies home health care agencies. Unfortunately, with poor state oversight, these
home health care agencies are left alone to dictate what they will do or will not do for these elderly patients.
For instance, home health care agencies refuse to use a simple suctioning machine, clean a patient's stoma, do range of motion exercises (as in mom's case), all with the pretext that they are scared they will be sued and that
these procedures are now deemed as medical procedures requiring a nurse to do them. They refused to continue to do the range of motion exercises even though I reminded them that they were "doctor's orders". We have been receiving services for more than 9 years and the providers have always performed these tasks. We are not trained doctors or nurses, yet we do all
these very simple tasks ourselves.
It is more cost effective to provide care for the elderly at home than in a nursing home. Then why is the present system forcing these elderly patients from their home and into a nursing home?
Many home health care patients lay in their bed at home in the morning waiting for the home health care agency to send their lifeline, a home
health care provider. Many elderly patients live alone and cannot get up from bed by themselves. Some lay waiting in their beds wet and soiled. They wait for someone to come and bathe, clothe, transfer, and feed them.
Others need someone to help them take their medications, provide transportation to doctor's appointments, or to go grocery shopping for them.
But the reality is that sometimes the home health care providers arrive one to four hours late. The home health care agencies' canned reply is "we're doing the best that we can."
Though home health care agencies admit they have staffing problems, there are some workers who are non- nurses making nearly $40,000 per year,
including overtime. In Texas, that ain't bad for a minimum wage job. One solution would be to cut overtime and hire more providers to provide adequate, on-time services to the elderly. Have you ever gone to a grocery
store, mall, bank, or hospital where you received poor service then had the manager tell you "sorry but we're doing the best we can?" You probably will not go back to that business. But where can these elderly patients go? Who
can help them? Would you allow this incompetence in the home health care
system to take care of your elderly mother?
It has been said that someday we may be judged by how we treat our elderly. I urge all sons and daughters to please contact your legislators and help bring about reform within the Department of Human Resources and the home health care agencies they certify in your state. The mother you save may be your own. Today on "Mother's Day" I speak on behalf of my mother. Yet, my heart goes out to all mothers who live alone and who have no one to defend their right to live their remaining years in a safe environment and with the dignity afforded to all Americans.
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 6, 2004 - 09:52 pm:
Thank you for sharing eloquently about your first hand knowledge and your experience of the system that need to be fixed.
By Anna1953 on Sunday, August 8, 2004 - 12:47 am:
As the primary care giver for my 86 year old mother, I am finding it harder and harder to satisfy her personal needs. Her health issues are under control; however, she is getting more and more demanding of my personal time. She has lived with me for the last 5 years and has gradually become more self absorbed, demanding and hateful. It is as if I have my teenagers back again only I can't ground her or even react to her attacks because of her age and health issues. I have always admired her and the life she has lived, but I now feel that she is sucking the life out of me. My only brother and sister both live out of state and are not able to help. Also, my mother refuses to use any of our community services for the elderly. She will not even leave the house unless I personally take her. I don't know how much longer I can do this without completely losing myself. Is there anybody else in this situation?
By Anonymous on Sunday, August 8, 2004 - 06:26 pm:
You are not the only one suffering the baby boomer's biggest dilemma. I know that it is sometimes worst for men. I know of a man who is caring for his mother and she demands that he gives her total time and each moment that he is free that he spends with her. He is the only son and sometimes she treats him like he is her long deceased husband. Although he is an excellent son he now is a lousy husband since he neglects his duty as a good husband to his wife.
His wife resents this arrangement and they are at the blink of a divorce. He felt that his wife should understand and take it in stride!!!! NOT!
Can you blame his wife alone for their breaking up? I don't think so. Life should be a balance and one should not make one's mate suffers through neglect because one cares too much for one mother!
By boomersint on Sunday, August 8, 2004 - 06:32 pm:
Twenty of the best tips and ideas collected from Caregivers and care managers of the Medicare Alzheimer's Project in Broward and Dade Counties, Florida.
. Laugh about something everyday.
. Take care of yourself physically.
. Eat a well-balanced diet.
. Talk with someone every day.
. Let family and friends help. Give them printed material on memory disorders so they can better understand your relative. Give them a chance.
. Give yourself permission to have a good cry.
. Tears aren't a weakness, they reduce tension.
. Exercise. A brisk walk counts.
. Get adequate rest.
. Try a bowl of Cheerios and milk before bed to promote sleep.
. Avoid noisy and/or tension-filled movies at night. The late news itself can add to stress. Skip it.
. Reduce daily caffeine intake.
. Get professional help if you feel your support system isn't adequate or if you feel overwhelmed.
. Take a break very day, even if it's only 10 minutes alone in the backyard.
. Explore community resources and connect yourself with them.
. Listen to music.
. Learn relaxation techniques.
. Regularly attend one or more support groups and education workshops.
. Give yourself a treat at least once a month: an ice cream cone....a new shirt or dress....a night out with friends....a flowering plant.
. Read your Caregiver's Bill of Rights (and Today's Caregiver magazine)
. Know your limitations.
By Anna1953 on Sunday, August 8, 2004 - 08:25 pm:
Thanks. It makes me feel guilty to complain but putting it down in print helped a little. It is a small comfort to know that I am not alone. Anonymous - The gentleman you spoke of deserves a life of his own and so do I. But I suppose is it just not my time yet. Thanks again.
By Psychbabe2001 on Wednesday, August 11, 2004 - 03:17 pm:
Dear Anna1953, You should not feel guilty to complain. It is best to get all the issues and anger out of your system. Pented-up anger is the worst for your psyche and your health. It makes you angry and resent the situation as well as the people involved.
Caregiving duties for baby boomers are crucial to our society because if we don't provide that to our elders who else will? Beside letting someone else caring for them which could cost $1000 a month at least; you also open up a chance to have your elders being abuse mentally or physically and or being scammed or being scoundrelled out of any money they have, if they have any.
Bless your heart for putting up with caring for your mother. Have you ever thought of taking her out regularly to some senior home to visit? Perhaps she would be able to see how those lonely seniors sitting around waiting for family members to come and visit and no one came? Perhaps she will open up her eyes and mind and see how good you are to her for taking care of her selflessly?
Sadly I am not in a position to care for my parents since I live far away from them. As they live in another country many thousand miles away.
I do make plan to see them as often as I can now.
Also, bless his heart, my brother is taking that responsibility really, really well.
I do however, have had enough experience by observing and researching about caregiveing...
Peace & Love,
By WW on Monday, September 20, 2004 - 01:21 pm:
More Baby Boomers are taking in their aging parents -- here's how to ease the transition
Susan Fornoff, Chronicle Staff Writer
Saturday, September 18, 2004
When Carole Bennett's 92-year-old mother, Vera Brimhall, moved into Bennett's little house in Novato, a steep learning curve ensued.
The sun porch became a master suite, complete with Porta Potti. A calling device was installed that activated a speaker-phone call to an emergency station that would then alert a neighbor to check on her. And when it was time to take Mom to the doctor, the wheelchair had to be maneuvered out of the house.
"I now have tremendous respect," said Bennett, "for ramps, smooth sidewalks and facilities that are truly designed for people with disabilities."
The arrangement ended a year later when a suitable spot opened in a residential care home, where Brimhall would spend her final six months. "She did tell me, however, that the one year that she spent living in my home was one of the most delightful years of her life,'' Bennett said.
So it was, in retrospect, for Bennett as well, and she recommends that fellow Baby Boomers consider caring for aging parents at home. Many of them expect to do just that -- Del Webb's annual Baby Boomer survey reports that 30 percent think parents will be moving in with them.
With that in mind, many builders targeting Boomers make a point of including a second master suite, an over-the-garage apartment or a separate "casita" in the home design. But not everyone wants or can afford a new home, so there's a growing range of adaptations and services that might be especially useful to them.
For openers, a family session at home with a geriatric case manager can sort out some issues early on.
"There's so much to consider, from what the motivations are for the older person to move in, to whether they and the Boomers are aware of how this decision will affect the quality of their lives," says Anne Rosenthal, director of community services for Oakland's Home for Jewish Parents. "There are many of us in the Bay Area familiar with these issues who specialize in resources for people in this situation."
Rosenthal says geriatric case managers in the Bay Area charge from $80 to $150 per hour, and, she says, "We can accomplish a lot in as little as one hour."
Geriatric case managers can help the Boomer evaluate a home's readiness for a senior resident -- from one who is very ill, to one who requires a wheelchair, to one who may have no extraordinary physical needs. Any case requires a serious reality check.
For instance, when Bunny Gillespie's 76-year-old mother, Lillian Fletcher, moved in with Bunny and her husband, Ken, in 1967, they carved a quarter of the garage of their Daly City home into an apartment. Fletcher had liver cancer and incontinence, but there was an even bigger concern.
"We felt her privacy was most important, since she'd been living on her own for about 20 years, in her own home in the Parkside district," Bunny said. "She was included in the construction of her apartment, even to where the electrical plugs would go to accommodate her sewing machine, stereo and television set."
Fletcher was with the Gillespies for 14 years before she had to move into a convalescent hospital. Now, said Bunny, "Her apartment is our home office and her image smiles on the wall behind me."
Not everyone can convert a garage, of course, but modifications are always possible. One way to analyze needs is to take the home assessment available online at www.lifease.com, which charges $19.95 for recommendations based on the completion of a simple multiple-choice questionnaire. Lifease links to products that comply to the suggestions, but do-it-yourselfers will also find inspiration; for instance, one project for someone who uses a walker is to "mark the edges of your steps with reflective or bright, contrasting colored tape or paint to make them clearly visible."
Wheelchairs present a challenge for Boomers who live in older homes in San Francisco, where stairs frustrate inside and hills aggravate outside. Cindy Varas De Valdes took in her grandmother, Angela, at her very typical San Francisco house, with garage on the street and living quarters above.
"I carried her for years -- she was only about 100 pounds," said Varas De Valdes. "The wheelchair, I just couldn't handle. Then I had to hire people."
Varas De Valdes found, though, that a small and lightweight wheelchair was perfectly fine for her grandmother, and much easier to maneuver in the house than the heavy-duty model. Others make good use of a stair glide, also known as a chair lift or stair lift, which can be installed on stairs for $2, 000 and up, depending on the straightness of the staircase.
Access and egress throughout a house are the prime concern of universal design principles, which came into fashion as the Boomer generation came of age. Now contractors may be able to fit an older house with many universal modifications: grab bars, of course, and shower seats, but also multilevel kitchen counters, bathroom doors that open out instead of in, and cabinets with roll-out shelves and baskets.
And though not included in the typical universal design upgrade package from builders, monitors are almost universally praised by Boomers taking care of mom or dad. These can range from a simple, inexpensive baby monitor to a custom setup.
"For everyone's peace of mind, we placed an easy-reach buzzer at the side of Mom's bed," said Bunny Gillespie. "And there was also an intercom for up- and-down-stairs, 'come to dinner' calls."
Take the monitor a step further, and you've got an alert -- a potential lifesaver that has become more and more affordable. American Medical Alarms, for example, offers an unobtrusive, waterproof pendant for a bracelet or necklace that has a button for emergencies or aid -- if, for instance, the parent wants the monitoring center to call a friend or family member rather than a paramedic, the parent can push the button and ask for that -- at $29. 95 a month for 24-hour coverage, with no service or equipment fees.
Personal in-home care seems to be the biggest luxury coveted by Baby Boomers sharing the nest with parents, with a price range established primarily by the caregiver's qualifications. Nurses top the scale; hourly companions sit at the bottom; and live-in aides rank in the middle.
The local senior center is a good place to start for referrals, and also for tips on getting financial assistance from the state and federal governments.
E-mail Susan Fornoff at email@example.com.
By brabbelviclen on Monday, June 9, 2008 - 01:56 pm: