Rascals and rogues:
Rascals and rogues. Who needs them? You don’t if you are a woman with good self esteem who wants a great relationship. Way back to Billy kissing another girl on the playground after he won your heart, we’ve all felt hurt, betrayed or taken advantage of in a love relationship.
Ladies, now that you are older and wiser, it’s time to hone your perceptions to avoid getting burned to grand proportions. Here’s a primer on men to avoid and how to spot them.
Power Players. Power players cover a broad range of good-hearted and not-so-good guys. Power players have themselves in mind most of the time. A Power Player may casually ask you what you are doing Friday night, and then fail to follow-up with you if something better comes along. When you ask him to a concert, he may respond that he’s got another item on his agenda, “But let me see if I can’t move it around” or other vague answers. He’ll then keep you hanging until the last minute. He’ll play you like a cheap violin if he can get away with it. Otherwise, he’ll move on. Signs to watch for? These guys are characterized as opportunistic and have a larger-than-life quality. He’ll exploit a situation to aggrandize himself, to make himself him look better, more powerful, etc.
Schmoozers. While a Power Player might actively engage your affections, schmoozers are less concerned about what they really want to do on a Friday night, but more concerned with where they should be. They are the social climbers who seek to attend the best, toniest functions. “It was too late before I realized what a schmoozer he was because I was caught up by Peter’s charisma,” says Mindy, 42. She regrets that as a third date, she asked him to join her for her fortieth birthday party on a limo ride. He then proceeded to try to pick up all her single girlfriends. Mindy puts Patrick in the Jerk category, too.
The goal of the schmoozer is beyond just traveling in high-profile social circles; they’re users. They might glom onto people with boats, country club connections and other accoutrements. How to know you’ve got one? These guys drop a lot of names, possibly own or lease a high-end car, frequent bars and restaurants, and party a lot.
Jerks. Jerks are one of the broadest categories, covering a range of bad behavior. For starters, try chauvinistic men who make passes to cold-hearted guys without a clue on how to treat a lady. Consider the bad boys who don’t call to cancel a date, they simply stand you up. Consider the cheapskate. Serena, 40, recalls a guy she recently dated. “We dated for several months. He would just happen to show up late on the date, like at a coffee shop, just as I was paying for my coffee and scone.” That was nothing, Serena says, compared to the time they attended a concert. “At the door, he stepped quickly in front of me and paid for himself and then looked back at me and said he’d meet me upstairs,” she recalls. Fortunately, Serena didn’t get physically involved with the cheapskate and eventually broke it off.
Sometimes it’s only a small aspect of a guy’s behavior that puts him in the Jerk category. Other times, his Jerk actions go global. How to spot the quintessential Jerk? They haven’t had a girlfriend in years, and are incredibly tight with their wallets and their affections. On the other hand, the Jerk might act affectionate, coming on very strong with inappropriate or rude behavior. Nip these in the bud immediately.
Betrayers. Hopefully, you’ll catch on to the Betrayer’s little deceptions before he burns you with big indiscretions, like going out behind your back or even sleeping with another woman while you are dating. The skilled ones might be so covert, though, you may not even know what hit you. Consider the case of Wendy, 32, who found a phone number belonging to another woman in the pocket of her long-term boyfriend’s jean shorts when she offered to do his wash. “He was a disrespectful guy who was starting to live off of me, you know, the slacker type. I just wish I would’ve seen the writing on the wall earlier when things weren’t going well between us.”
Ways to spot the betrayer? Listen hard. Sometimes they’ll even spill the beans and tell you of indiscretions in past relationships while pointing the finger at her, or jokingly chalk it up to their bad behavior. They may not totally honor you in other ways, such as lying about small things, or blowing you off when they’ve got something else going on.
By on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 12:38 pm: