SECTION 3: TIPS FOR BOOMERS

    LETTING GO
    
     By Mike Ballah

     Sometimes it takes letting go of things to save them. Yet letting go 
     is one of the most difficult jobs we face in midlife. These are years 
     when we must physically and emotionally turn loose of some of our 
     dearest possessions . . .

     • like a child going off to college or entering marriage. 
     • like a job or career to which we cannot return. 
     • like a loved one lost to death or divorce. 
     • or like a physical ability lost with age.

     I still remember the August weekend my wife and I drove our eldest 
     daughter some 800 miles from home to attend college. There were plenty 
     of tears on the return trip. Letting go is not easy. I struggle with it 
     as you do. I cannot offer you a way to make it painless, but I can offer
     a few principles that have helped me endure it.

     Allow yourself to grieve.

     Sometimes friends respond to our losses with well-meaning but unhelpful 
     advice.  "Cheer up," they say; "it could be worse." Or "just don't think 
     about it." But it trivializes our losses to just not think about them. 
     My wife and my tears were an expression of the love we felt for our 
     first-born. We needed to shed them. Grief is an important first-step in 
     letting go.

     Consider the alternative.

     Along with letting yourself grieve, it helps to realize that the 
     alternative to letting go is not to keep what your are afraid of losing. 
     Holding on will not restore your loss; it will only hurt both you and 
     others.

     Part of me would like to keep my children always young and dependent on 
     me, but the first I cannot do, and the second I dare not do. My daughter 
     needed a self-confidence that only could come with her independence. To 
     deny her this ultimately would hurt both of us.

     Discover new rewards.
 
     It helps me to grieve and to know there is no good alternative to 
     letting go, and it helps to know there is also reward in such sacrifice.
     For letting go leads not only to loss but gain.

     Recently I had dinner with my daughter, now a graduate student in the 
     far-away college town she calls home. She ordered; she paid; and I 
     experienced a whole new sensation.

     While I lost my little girl who lived at home and always depended on her 
     daddy, I gained a beautiful and self-confident young lady who can make her
     own way in the world.
 
     I also gained a new adult friend.

     Similarly, lost jobs, abilities and friends invariably lead to the discovery 
     of new ones--that is, if you let go, physically and emotionally. For holding 
     on too tightly to things already lost will not bring them back. Rather, it 
     will blind you to new gifts and pleasures yet unnoticed. 

     Do you need to let go? Do it. Then look around. You may be staring at some 
     of life's best gifts yet.
     
     For more information on this subject try: The Midlife's Moments. by Mike Bellah - Midlife's Moments Web Site.
 
     Write to Mike at :mike@bestyears.com


 
 SECTION 4: RETIREMENT HOME
      

     It is not too early to think and plan for retirement and retirement home.
     What do you have in mind when you think about retirement and the type of 
     lifestyle you want when you retire?  A recent survey of retirees conducted
     by a leading building magazine showed 60% of buyers were looking to move
     to a different town.  Only 15% wanted to remain in their current neighborhood.
     38% were looking into rural areas. A much smaller group are looking for home
     in the suburbs or outlying suburbs.  Reasons for retirees considering a move
     were the current location of their present home and the maintenance involved.   

     We will feature an in-depth analysis and article about retirement home in the
     future issue. 
  
     It's Tax time in April but do not wait until last minute to prepare for
     this yearly ritual.  Get a tax form from this web site if you need one:
     http://www.irs.ustreas.gov/prod/forms_pubs/forms.html
     

    
 
 SECTION 5: BOOMER OF THE MONTH  JANUARY 1998

    Congratulations to : Chuck Nyren

    He's been described as a media dropout, or in media-denial because he said he never turn on 
    TV and doesn't think much of movies any more ... so much for psychobabble!

    Check out Boomer Of the Month at: http://boomersint.org/boomotm3.htm

   
 SECTION 6: IN MEMORIUM
      

http://cnn.com/US/9801/06/bono.obit.update/ - Sonny Bono's Orbituary 



   



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