Creating Rituals During The Holidays 

  
Webster's Dictionary defines:
Rite - as a prescribed form or 
manner governing the words or 
actions for a ceremony. A 
ceremonial act or action; 
an initiation.
Ritual - as relating to rites or 
ritual, according to a religious 
law or social custom; the established 
form for a ceremony; a ceremonial 
act of action; any formal and 
customarily repeated act or 
series of acts. 

There are many types of rituals other 
than purely religious. Taking a daily 
morning walk or meditating can be 
considered a ritual. For most, the 
term "ritual" represents an extended 
meaning to a set of actions. Many think
of funeral memorials, deaths and rites
of passage as rituals. Creating rituals 
during the holidays is a way to give 
special meaning to those for whom you
are caring as well as those for whom 
you are grieving. Creating a sacred 
ritual can offer a tremendous sense 
of honoring for the loved one you are 
missing. It also offers balance, comfort 
and support for you. The overall effect 
of creating rituals can assist you in 
coping with the coming holidays.

In continuing with your healing over 
your loss, you might also design rituals
for anniversaries, birthdays and other 
events that were symbolic for you and 
your loved one. Rituals can help you to 
establish the spiritual meaning and 
understanding of your loss. The ritual
becomes an ongoing memorial or 
representation that you can respond 
to and absorb the significant changes 
that have taken place. 
When you create a ritual from your heart, 
special meaning will fill you with purpose
and most of all love. 

Suggestions for filling your holiday loss 
and tears with celebration and love:

* Express yourself through artwork.

* Begin your holiday dinner with a 
minute of silent prayer and a toast 
in their honor

* Send up a balloon(s) with messages 
and prayers to your loved one.

* During the meal ask the question, 
"What comes to your mind when you think 
of _________?", and share memories with
those who surround you.

* Plant a tree or a special plant in 
their honor in your garden or in your home.

* Create special Christmas ornaments 
for your tree and hang a stocking in 
their honor.

*  Write a letter or even keep a journal 
of your thoughts.

*  Light a candle(s) in their memory.

*  Place a single flower or bouquet 
of flowers that your loved one cherished
as the centerpiece.

* The "Shames" or head candle in the
Hanukah celebration can be in honor of 
your loved one.

* Look at pictures (or display pictures)
from past holidays shared with your loved 
one. View videos, audiotapes and any 
remembrances, which reflect on the 
wonderful times you experienced together.

* Design a quilt with the memories you have.

* Write a brief history of the ups and
downs you have experienced in the past 
year and place it into a Christmas stocking 
or some memorable cache that you can add 
to yearly.

* Play a favorite song

* Create a sacred alter with photos and 
treasures where you can sit and reflect.

* If you vacation in a special area that 
you used to go to with your loved one, 
do something special in honor of them.

* Consider volunteering for an organization
affiliated with your loved one;s illness,
hospice or a caregiving program to help 
others through your own experiences.

* Vounteer to help feed the 
homeless over Thanksgiving 
& Christmas.

* Volunteer to read or spend time with 
the elderly in nursing homes, hospitals 
or to read and spend time with children 
who have terminal illnesses in hospitals.

* Donate gifts in your loved one's name. 
This is even more special when you donate 
in memory at their birthday, a special
anniversary, etc.

* Offer a scholarship in a loved one's name.

Rituals empower people emotionally,
mentally, and spiritually. Caregivers in 
all countries who create rituals through
customs, traditions, and their own desire 
to invent a new ritual that provides meaning 
in their life, have the opportunity to 
extend a person's presence beyond death. 
While our society encourages us to mourn
quickly and return to our normal lives, 
it is particularly difficult for former
caregivers who have experienced so much
loss in their roles. The death of a loved 
one after a long period of caring leaves 
the caregiver without motivation, a sense 
of place, self confidence, a network of 
friends and socialization challenges to
actually make the return to our own lives 
once again. It is not just the loss of a 
loved one you experience; it is the loss 
of many things that were put on hold.

As you move through your grief, remember
that there is no right or wrong way to
grieve. Each person grieves in his or her
own way and in his or her own time. It is 
a wonderful opportunity to reach out to
support groups and learn how others are
healing from their own personal losses.
This gives you additional support and
understanding. It also gives you reason to 
understand that you will move through your
grief, just as others have. 
With understanding and healing, you will
find that you may not return to your life 
as it was before you became a caregiver. 
You may find that you have grown in ways
you could  not have imagined, thus creating
a newer  more fulfilling life; perhaps even 
new identity based on the transformational
experiences you have gone through in you
role as a Caregiver. 

Rmember to be gentle and nurturing to 
yourself.  

Richest blessings on your journey.

Copyrighted Gail R. Mitchell 11/08/01

Gail R. Mitchell is the creator
of the Empowering Caregivers Site 
www.care-givers.com. She is the 
spokeswoman for the Caregivers Area 
at the Boomer's International site
at http://boomersint.org/index.html
She has consulted for other caregiving 
sites. She is a featured columnist for
FinalThoughts.com and TheCareGuide.com 
Her articles have been published in 
the National caregiving magazine 
"Today's Caregiver" here in the 
United States and in Canada's National
caregiving magazine, "CANGO QRTLY." 
Recently Ms. Mitchell founded the 
National Organization for Empowering 
Caregivers (NOFEC) www.nofec.org 
to help raise the nation's consciousness
about family caregiving in hopes of 
providing respite, support and education
to those in need.

Care Giver Section


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