I'VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN
My mom is always saying, "Isn't it amazing what they can
do these days." She's talking about the new technological
and scientific discoveries popping up daily. One of these
discoveries is DNA testing. Now, I don't really know the
specifics about it, but I do know that they can take a
sample of a person's hair, saliva or blood and use it to
find out whether or not that person was involved in an as
yet unsolved crime.
The latest in DNA testing was used to try and determine if
Dr. Sam Sheppard really murdered his wife, Marilyn. If
you will remember, back in 1954, this was the famous murder
incident that became the basis of the TV series The
Fugitive. The evidence has been recently ruled
"unreliable." Although DNA testing failed to bring light
to this past mystery, maybe it could be useful in solving
other well-known questions from the past.
Who shot the deputy? We know that Eric Clapton admitted
shooting the sheriff in self-defense. Probably Bob Marley
had a hand in it also. Sheriff John Brown always hated
Eric and would try to kill his seeds before they could grow.
It's no wonder Eric hated him. They tried to pin the deputy's
death on Eric but he always maintained that he, "Did not shoot
the deputy." DNA testing could clear his name.
DNA testing could also settle past child custody battles. The
Supremes spoke of a love child: the one never meant to be.
Let's find out who the real father is. Test him, put him on
the stand and dare him to say, "It ain't me, babe." We could
also track down the boy just south of Mobile, who took up with
the gypsies, tramps and thieves. The ungrateful one, who, after
feeding him a hot meal, did something that her papa would have
shot him for. Lay your money down, boy!
I would like for Eleanor Rigby to be exhumed and tested to find
out if she really died of natural causes. Poor Eleanor was so
lonely nobody came to her funeral except Father McKenzie. I
wonder if they buried her with her face on or just put the jar,
that she kept by the door, beside her inside the casket. The
circumstantial evidence gives the impression that Father
McKenzie might have had a hand in it. Why else would he
prepare a sermon that he knows no one will hear? No one even
came near! What does he care? I wonder what he was thinking
as he wiped the dirt from his hands? Maybe, "Where do all
these lonely people come from?"
Just think of all the possibilities! Unlimited! We could
find out if Brownsville Station was really smoking in the
boys room on floor number two by taking a saliva sample from
the cigarette. We could find out if Jimmy Buffett stepped
on a pop top in Margaritaville by taking a blood sample.
We might get a clue why the first mate on the Sloop John B
got drunk and broke in the captain's trunk. What was he
looking for? Wouldn't you like to know who's making love
to your old lady while you're out making love? What about
the devil in disguise that Elvis got attached to? Looks
like an angel, but who is it really? DNA testing could help
convict Mack the Knife and find out if he's really back in
town. Did little Suzy really fall asleep at the drive-in or
what? What made her think she's in deep trouble and weep
for just falling asleep? She appears guilty. Have her
DNA testing might help in answering these age-old unsolved
mysteries and will be invaluable in the future. But, if for
some reason you're thinking about committing a crime and
you think you won't get caught, just ask the Bobby Fuller
Four. They'll tell you:
"Breaking rocks in the hot sun.
I fought the law and the law won."