By RONSDONE
My mom is always saying, "Isn't it amazing what they can 
do these days."  She's talking about the new technological 
and scientific discoveries popping up daily.  One of these 
discoveries is DNA testing.  Now, I don't really know the 
specifics about it, but I do know that they can take a 
sample of a person's hair, saliva or blood and use it to 
find out whether or not that person was involved in an as 
yet unsolved crime.
  
The latest in DNA testing was used to try and determine if 
Dr. Sam Sheppard  really murdered his wife, Marilyn.  If 
you will remember, back in 1954, this was the famous murder 
incident that became the basis of the TV series The 
Fugitive.  The evidence has been recently ruled 
"unreliable."  Although DNA testing failed to bring light 
to this past mystery, maybe it could be useful in solving 
other well-known questions from the past.

Who shot the deputy? We know that Eric Clapton admitted 
shooting the sheriff in self-defense. Probably Bob Marley 
had a hand in it also.  Sheriff John Brown always hated 
Eric and would try to kill his seeds before they could grow.  
It's no wonder Eric hated him.  They tried to pin the deputy's 
death on Eric but he always maintained that he, "Did not shoot 
the deputy."  DNA testing could clear his name.

DNA testing could also settle past child custody battles. The 
Supremes spoke of a love child:  the one never meant to be.  
Let's find out who the real father is.  Test him, put him on 
the stand and dare him to say, "It ain't me, babe."   We could 
also track down the boy just south of Mobile, who took up with 
the gypsies, tramps and thieves.  The ungrateful one, who, after 
feeding him a hot meal, did something that her papa would have 
shot him for.  Lay your money down, boy!
 
I would like for Eleanor Rigby to be exhumed and tested to find 
out if she really died of natural causes.  Poor Eleanor was so 
lonely nobody came to her funeral except Father McKenzie.  I 
wonder if they buried her with her face on or just put the jar, 
that she kept by the door, beside her inside the casket. The 
circumstantial evidence gives the impression that Father 
McKenzie might have had a hand in it.  Why else would he 
prepare a sermon that he knows no one will hear? No one even 
came near! What does he care?  I wonder what he was thinking 
as he wiped the dirt from his hands?  Maybe, "Where do all 
these lonely people come from?"

Just think of all the possibilities!  Unlimited!  We could 
find out if Brownsville Station was really smoking in the 
boys room on floor number two by taking a saliva sample from 
the cigarette.  We could find out if Jimmy Buffett stepped 
on a pop top in Margaritaville by taking a blood sample.  
We might get a clue why the first mate on the Sloop John B 
got drunk and broke in the captain's trunk.  What was he 
looking for?   Wouldn't you like to know who's making love 
to your old lady while you're out making love?  What about 
the devil in disguise that Elvis got attached to?  Looks 
like an angel, but who is it really? DNA testing could help
convict Mack the Knife and find out if he's really back in 
town. Did little Suzy really fall asleep at the drive-in or 
what?  What made her think she's in deep trouble and weep 
for just falling asleep?  She appears guilty.  Have her 
tested.

DNA testing might help in answering these age-old unsolved 
mysteries and will be invaluable in the future. But, if for
some reason you're thinking about committing a crime and 
you think you won't get caught, just ask the Bobby Fuller 
Four. They'll tell you: 
 
                     "Breaking rocks in the hot sun.
                      I fought the law and the law won."